Oral Sex is Not Foreplay

Using your mouth to stimulate your partner’s genitals is considered one of the most intimate acts between lovers.  Women and men find it incredibly pleasurable – both as givers and receivers.  It will often bring a partner to orgasm when other methods cannot.  Therefore, contrary to the opinions of numerous sexperts and one former US president, oral pleasuring is indeed sex and not merely a method of foreplay.

Foreplay, by definition, consists of those intimate emotional and physical interactions between two (or more) individuals meant to generate sexual desire and arousal. Its entire purpose is to entice and excite one another sexually BEFORE the genitals are touched.

Since foreplay is about building sexual interest but without the inclusion of genital contact, it can begin the moment we open our eyes in the morning and last the entire day. Depending on our partner’s erotic preferences, foreplay can include any of the following stimulation.

Foreplay Cues

Visual Cues – sending sexy provocative photos, a striptease performance, the wearing of sexually suggestive clothing or creating an intimate, romantic or sensually appealing atmosphere are all ways we can visually arouse our lover.

Verbal Cues – compliments, subtle innuendo, flirting, teasing and intimate conversations either in person or by phone are all forms of verbal foreplay.

Behavioural Cues – a seductive smile or wink, suggestive postures, gestures and movements, licking or biting of one’s lips, eye gazing and entering inside a lover’s personal space can convey sexual intent and raise a lover’s libido.     

Physical Cues – the touching, kissing, licking or sensual biting of non-genital erogenous zones as well as hugging, cuddling or the removal of a lover’s clothing are all physical ways that we can engage in foreplay.

Ultimately, the point of foreplay is to provoke sexual arousal in our partner. Oral sex, however, is like intercourse or anal sex. It is a means in which to quench our desire. If foreplay is the appetizer then sex – including oral sex- is the main course. And while pleasuring our partner’s genitals orally may be a sexual act in and of itself, it can also be a transitional activity. Like when we change sex positions during lovemaking.  The key to remember is that however we choose to stimulate our partner’s genitals –   manually, orally or with our own genitals – it is always more successful and satisfying when foreplay is first achieved.

So perhaps if people stopped thinking of oral sex as just one of myriad methods of foreplay and instead recognized it as the intimate sexual act that it is, they would not only likely find it more enjoyable, they may even be more inclined to acquire the patience, precision and skill required to do it well. ♥



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  6 comments for “Oral Sex is Not Foreplay

  1. Dan
    18 November, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I agree. I have often thought of oral sex as a “main event” for a woman, and generally start and end with it, even if she has pleasured me orally or with penetration. I’m surprised, though, that you did not include manual stimulation to orgasm as sex, either partnered or alone. Handjobs probably outnumber all other sex acts.–Dan

    • 19 November, 2015 at 8:08 am

      Hiya Dan 🙂

      That is wonderful and I have no doubt it greatly pleases both you and your lover. The reason I did not include manual stimulation in this recent article is that I wanted the focus to be primarily on oral pleasuring. Also, I have already addressed manual stimulation and in particular, handjobs in previous posts. 🙂

  2. Dan
    19 November, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Thanks Tracey. I gotcha. Maybe a further thought is that what distinguishes between “foreplay” and “sex” is simply the frames of mind for those involved. That is, whether the action IN THE MOMENT is part of preparation or is the total subject of concentration. I know when I’m entranced in cunnilingus–edging, sensing, repeating, intensifying, exploring–I’m not thinking at all about what comes next. Time stops. That definitely is sex, although it often leads to other sex acts. — Regards, Dan

    • 19 November, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Agreed Dan. In your example, oral sex is a transitional act leading from one sexual activity to another which was something I mentioned in the article. Yet whether it is done as a complete act or as a transitional one, generating sexual desire and arousal (foreplay) beforehand is still required further confirming that foreplay and oral sex are indeed two separate activities. Does that makes sense?

  3. Mr Romance
    21 November, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you Tracey, for the great article!

    I love that fine distinction between the various wonderful sexual acts, and the delicious anticipation gestures.

    Setting the mood, getting one’s self and partner ready in anticipation for more. And the emotional and sexual buildup that leads to more and more and more.

    Different kinds of stimulation/gratification/sexual contact are all special, even more so after a cleverly thought foreplay, just like a memorable dinner courses, perfectly laid.

    That intimate oral heaven between lovers, and the inciting acts that leads to it.

    That important mix is so sensual and lively! 😀

    • 24 November, 2015 at 3:48 pm

      So elegantly stated Mr Romance and I could not agree more! 😀

      Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and for the lovely compliment!

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